


The Break-Up

by AmelieofK



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28337091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmelieofK/pseuds/AmelieofK
Summary: The members were left wondering why Junhoe and Jiwon would break-up before they even barely begun.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	The Break-Up

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be posted for Bobby's birthday but it sort of got delayed. I couldn't even make it for X'mas but consider it a gift of sorts.

When it ended, it ended quietly. Junhoe knew it was futile to think that what they had could continue, when he was simply there to buffer the pain of losing their leader and for Jiwon, his long-time lover. Jinhwan might have picked up on him being all distressed. Heck, Jiwon could have even told him about the break. The _mathyung_ had popped open a bottle of whisky on his behalf and thought that was enough celebration in the name of heartbreaks and pain. Koo Junhoe loved, made loved and ended that love before it turned sour, all in a matter of months. _Almost a year_.

“Hey, you think you can lend me your guitar, today?” It was him. Standing by the doorway. He would not come in now. Not since that day. The last day their bodies were locked together in warm embrace and their lips linked to kiss before they decidedly made their farewells. If only they would not meet on the daily. In the hallways of the dorm, the kitchen, sometimes when they needed the bathroom. It was almost as if they were back to the midst of their awkwardness, except this was worst, much, much worser.

“Yeah, sure.” Junhoe answered Jiwon and turned from the desk where he was writing to get one of his guitars from the stand, fingers of his free hand picking some imaginary pimple on the side of his cheek. It was a habit he had picked up over the years, something to do when he was nervous. Jiwon’s gaze followed his steps with miserably. “Why…why do you need it?” Junhoe asked, for want of conversation.

“Ah~I might need it for the studio later.” Jiwon said distractedly.

“You’re going to the studio?” Junhoe asked. “With who?”

“Donghyuk. We might work on some songs.” Jiwon explained, although there was no need for it. “I’ll return it to you at the end of the day.” He added, since Junhoe seem mighty concerned about the guitar more than anything else.

“Oh no…it’s fine. Just use it and return it, whenever.” _Just like my heart_. He dismissed this little conversation sneaking into his mind, passing the guitar to Jiwon, flashing a rictus of a smile. It was painful to see that smile on his lips. Jiwon could feel the sharp stabs being made to his own heart at the sight of it, because anyone who is close to Junhoe, knew that was not his best smile. Not the gummy one, the one that was all teeth, full of sincerity and joy. And why should it hurt? This was what they wanted, after all. _Wasn’t it?_

Junhoe gazed at Jiwon’s fingers with longing as they encircled the fret of his guitar, almost shuddering inwardly as he remembered how, just last week, they were all over him; rubbing his nipples hungrily before slowly slithering down the side of his hips and grabbing the cheeks of his derriere, pushing him closer so that there was no room left to breathe between their thrusting bodies. Junhoe loved being in Jiwon’s arms, deep in the throes of such a passion he had never felt before. It made him feel alive, as if he was singing. except this, the pleasure had belonged to him, exclusively. With his head thrown back, lost in all this intrinsic ecstasy, he had brought his head up to gaze at Jiwon when suddenly those lips were upon his; soft, nudging and insistent.

It was the kiss that had caught Junhoe off his guard.

They had never kissed before. It was a rule they had mutually agreed to, because Junhoe knew who those lips rightfully belong to and to covet it would have been an utterly crazy notion. He had no right to take what did not belong to him. It had shaken him to the core and made him realise just how far they had gone, considering that this was supposed to be nothing more than a physical fling. Yet it had happened and Junhoe remember not wanting Jiwon to release him from this utterly intimate act, allowing access to his mouth so readily as he did with his body only for Jiwon. _Just for Jiwon_. Of course, the result of this had been to put an end to what they had, or he would risk losing his heart and his leader, all at once.

_At the studio,_

“He lent you his guitar!?” Donghyuk exclaimed in disbelief.

“Why shouldn’t he? I’m trustworthy. It’s not like I’m using it for anything else, but to play.” Jiwon eyed Donghyuk with sullenly. _The way you played his heart_ , Jiwon heard himself say. He should have kept his mouth shut about Junhoe and him. Thanks to Donghyuk, now everyone knows and since they ended it, it was getting even more painful to ignore.

“Ah~” Donghyuk muttered and then turned his attention back to the panel quietly.

“What?” Jiwon asked, running his fingers absentmindedly over the strings gently, knowing Junhoe’s own were on them the night before. Those long digits which used to hold him tightly, digging into the circular tattoo in the middle of his back as they both groaned into climactic release; Junhoe’s head arched back in ecstasy, biting his lower lip and his lashes tightly shut over his eyes in euphoric abandon.

How could Jiwon have expected things not to get complicated when faced with such unexpectedly fragile beauty? He remember craning his neck, lips reaching for those plump petals that were pursed open to exhale the ragged breath of their collective euphoria, his gaze quickly finding Jiwon’s, eyes wide in frank surprise before he melted softly in surrender. Jiwon tasted Junhoe candidly for the first time since they shared a bed and it was the most addictive of all discoveries he had made this year. Ironically, it had been unexpected for Junhoe, as it had been for Jiwon.

Their lips were fused as they shuddered through a thundering, collective release and even then, Jiwon had no desire to let Junhoe go from the unforgiving sweep of his tongue. Kissing Junhoe did not feel like a mistake at all. As a matter of fact, it tasted right and felt so good, Jiwon had not wanted to stop.

“Nothing.” Donghyuk answered, he glanced back, his eyes narrowed in Jiwon’s direction, taking in the way Jiwon was reverently holding the guitar, caressing the curved body with his fingers as if he was trying to memorise its shape and form. There was even something affectionate in the way Jiwon was gazing down at the object as if he could envision the owner embracing it and by virtue of that, he was holding on to the owner of the guitar itself. Donghyuk chortled. It was loud enough for Jiwon to hear and the older man glanced up sharply, as Donghyuk turned his attention to the papers in his hands, pretending as if he had been reading them in disbelief. Jiwon turned his attention back at the guitar. _Junhoe’s guitar_. Shiny like the jewel that Junhoe is and just as precious. Borrowing it had been a ruse. An excuse to just walk to his room, to talk and perchance, to let his gaze linger a little longer at the mole on that lower lip or the way his body was set like the man but his gait was so much like a child's, the way his lashes curled against his eyes, which lately, could barely meet Jiwon's gaze.

Junhoe had said after that it was better for them not to continue and Jiwon had wordlessly agreed, leaving so many lingering questions hanging in the air, unanswered and best left unsaid.

_Back at the dorm,_

“Should I get dinner for us?” Jinhwan asked, walking into Junhoe’s room, running his fingers through the boy’s hair, because no matter how he looked at this tall, lumbering fool, he would always look like that fifteen year old gawky kid who kept bowing at everyone in the studio years ago.

“I’m not hungry, _hyung_.” Junhoe whispered under his breath, not turning to glance back at Jinhwan, so entrenched was he in completing this latest writing exercises.

“Ya~when was your last meal?” Jinhwan asked, turning his head to gaze closely at Junhoe. “I’ll get you _tteokbokki_ and _samgyupsal_ , so eat with me.” He whined. Junhoe finally stopped whatever he was doing and glanced at him, blinking in puzzlement,

“Why are you being such a baby?” Junhoe asked. “If I’m not hungry and you buy the food, we will end up wasting it.” He added.

“It’s not you to refuse food, Junhoe-ya. So come and eat with me when the food comes.” Jinhwan grabbed his shoulders with both hands and began shaking him playfully. Junhoe smiled, aware that Jinhwan was making an effort to cheer him up.

“ _Arasseo_.” He intoned, chuckling a little, because he appreciated Jinhwan for being there, for understanding. They were about to tuck in when Yunhyeong walked in. He was carrying a bag.

“You guys started eating already?” Yunhyeong muttered in surprise.

“Why? Why? Did we say were having dinner together?” Jinhwan stated as he stopped uncovering the wrap for the _jjajangmyeon_ he had ordered for Junhoe.

“I made some potato _jeon_ and _dakgalbi_ , Donghyukie is coming home with Bobby. They bought some beer. Wait awhile, let’s eat together.” Yunhyeong was saying as he slipped on the house slippers. “Chanwoo’s coming down, too.” He added, gazing at Junhoe apprehensively.

“Call me again when everyone’s here.” Junhoe had mulled, getting up and swaggering to his room. Yunhyeong sighed as he placed the bag on the table.

“Ya~was this your idea?” Jinhwan whispered, anxiously looking up at Yunhyeong. Yunhyeong’s eyes followed that masculine back wondering how long the boy was going to mope. Yunhyeong nodded as he began taking out the tubs containing the home-cooked food.

“I’ll go heat up some rice.” Yunhyeong stated, avoiding Jinhwan’s gaze. Jinhwan, who was not about to let him off so easily, stood up and trailed after him to the kitchen.

“Ya~are you crazy?! They are barely talking and you want them to sit in for dinner with us around?” Jinhwan tapped Yunhyeong on a shoulder. Yunhyeong took out the packs of instant rice from the freezer, hitting them on the counter to loosen the pack before he ran them through the microwave, not saying a word.

“Donghyukie said, Bobby’s not in a good mood either. They barely did anything fruitful at the studio today.” Yunhyeong confided in a hurried whisper, gazing out of the kitchen towards the closed door of Junhoe’s room.

“What happened?” Jinhwan asked in alarm. He had thought both of them mutually agreed to breaking up after the fling that lasted for more almost eleven months. A fling which now seem to resemble more and more like the kind of heartbreak one suffered from the devastating end of a first love, judging by how morose the two of them seemed to be recently. 

“Like he’s in a limbo. Donghyukie said all Bobby did today was strum that guitar and just singing gibberish. Twice, he started on the chord to Deep Night and then began cursing midway.” Yunhyeong repeated what Donghyuk had told him and Jinhwan began to bite his lips, as if he was deep in thought.

“Junhoe’s no better. He didn’t even want to eat.” Jinhwan confided in what amounted to horror. “He’s putting on weight, though. I think he drinks or snacks at night.” He added. Yunhyeong sighed. This was worse than everyone thought it would be. It was their fault as well for always highlighting how awkward they were with each other.

The door beeped and Chanwoo walked in.

“Eh, they are not home yet?” He mused, starting to rummage through the cupboards to find something to munch. “If I’d known I would taken my time to come down for dinner.” He added. When the two older members remained quiet, he closed the cupboard and glanced at them with furrowed brows. “What’s happening? Why are the both of you looking like the cat’s got your tongue?” He finally questioned. They both turned to Chanwoo, sighing heavily at the clueless _maknae_.

Junhoe emerged from his room moments after Jiwon and Donghyuk walked in. They began to converge at the table, Yunhyeong busying himself setting the dishes he made with pride as Chanwoo began passing the cups to Donghyuk so that he could pour the beer. Jinhwan patted the place beside himself for Junhoe.

“Hey, thanks for lending me your guitar.” Jiwon quipped passing the instrument to Junhoe over the table. Junhoe reached out a hand to take it, but Chanwoo grabbed the fret by the neck before he could.

“Waa, you borrowed _hyung_ your precious guitar!” He announced in disbelief, placing the guitar clumsily against his tummy and began strumming recklessly. Jiwon narrowed his eyes angrily.

“Ya-imma, what do you think you’re doing? Give it back to Junhoe before you spoil it!” Jiwon’s yell was way too loud, even in the clamour of preparing to eat.

“I won’t.” Chanwoo pouted. “Can I borrow it, Junhoe?” He added, gazing at Junhoe with a smile, nudging his chin at Junhoe and smiling with glee. Junhoe smiled and nodded.

“You’re holding it wrong.” Junhoe commented and because Chanwoo was just sitting on his other side, his arm slowly went around Chanwoo’s back and adjusted those tapered fingers against the fretboard. “Not too tight, otherwise it will produce a heavy sound. Gently.” Junhoe urged. Jiwon clucked his tongue loudly as he settled himself beside Jinhwan, his face still bearing the unhappiness of Chanwoo snatching the guitar and now, further aggravated by the sight of Junhoe’s arm around Chanwoo. Yunhyeong glanced at Jinhwan and then Donghyuk, who were watching the proceedings quietly without comment.

“Come on, let’s eat before the rice gets cold!” Yunhyeong quickly said, taking his seat beside Jiwon and began scooping the fried meat onto the rice bowls, passing it to Donghyuk across the table, to lighten the atmosphere. Chanwoo being Chanwoo of course, ignored them and continued strumming. There was a noticeable twang and perhaps, because he was bearing down on the strings too much, one of it snapped and curled.

“See! I told you to give it back, now look, you’ve spoilt it!” Jiwon raised his voice again.

“Ya~ _Kimbab_ , are you okay?” Jinhwan was commenting in amusement, flipping his fringe and smiling, hoping to diffuse the situation. “Why are you so pissed off?”

“Junhoe lend me the guitar. I just want to return it to him in good condition but this punk…” Jiwon tried to explain and then trailed off because he was suddenly aware that everyone’s eyes were on him.

“It’s okay, Bobby- _hyung_. I’ll just replace the broken string. Ihwak- _hyung_ taught me how to change it.” Junhoe explained as he started to get up. Jinhwan held him by the knee.

“Ya~eat first, June-ya.” Jinhwan entreated. But Junhoe, being Junhoe had already continued his steps towards his room with his guitar in hand. “Ah- _jjinja_ , this punk.” Jinhwan sighed, shaking his head and then looking at Yunhyeong.

“June-ya,” Yunhyeong called, “I’ll leave some of the dishes for you in the fridge, yes?” he added.

“ _Ne_.” He answered, without looking back, closing the door to his room in finality.

“Now I feel kinda bad.” Chanwoo muttered, scratching his head sheepishly.

“You should, you bastard.” Jiwon cursed, his face still red with rage, but keeping his voice low. His murderous glare on Chanwoo had not let up but the _maknae_ was too used by this to even think he had offended Jiwon in anyway

“That’s enough, ya, _Kimbab_ …you’ve been so cranky all this week.” Jinhwan warned, his eyes widened in Jiwon’s direction.

“He’s been cranky since last week, actually.” Donghyuk commented sullenly as he began scooping the food into his mouth. “Ah, Yunyhyeong- _hyung_ , this is so good!” He exclaimed as he began chewing with gusto. Jiwon narrowed his eyes at Donghyuk, who had known him long enough to know, that the best thing to do when Kim Jiwon is in a bad mood was to ignore him and continued acting as if nothing happened. Jiwon began eating the _jeon_ in silently, lips clamped tightly as he chewed.

“Let’s just have dinner in peace.” Yunhyeong urged, passing the dishes to Chanwoo, who tapped his chopsticks and began eating without saying anything else. They talked about other matters as they ate, but the conversation often dwindled into a silence that was unsettling. Jiwon was the first to finish his dinner, getting up with his bowl with a pout on his lips. He only thanked Yunhyeong for the food before retiring to his room, a scowl practically set upon his face.

“Oh jeez, he’s in one of his volatile moods. I’m gonna go sleep upstairs.” Donghyuk declared decisively, as he tore the last piece of _jeon_ to share with Chanwoo.

“Did he say anything to you at the studio?” Jinhwan asked, gazing at Donghyuk as he wiped his mouth and opened another can of beer. Yunhyeong began to clear the dishes, but he was also gazing at Donghyuk, interested to hear at what was going to be said.

“Not much, but you can really see he’s not himself these days. He’s so snappy and unreasonable and today, he did nothing at the studio. Nothing at all. Just strumming on that stupid guitar and touching it as if it was a baby or something. He’s lost it.” Donghyuk summarised, chewing on the _jeon_ and thanking Chanwoo for opening a can of beer for him.

“You know what I can gather from all this?” Chanwoo interjected, almost slurring his words out. He was only on his second beer, but his eyes were already reddened, indicating that he was surely on his way to being inebriated. He also had that familiar dazed look on his face. 

“What?” Jinhwan asked in amusement, smiling and riffling that thick head of hair.

“I think…Bobby- _hyung_ is in love with Junhoe.” He surmised what was already obvious to the other three. "And Junhoe...maybe he is also in love with Bobby- _hyung_." He surmised, lips scrunched together in a curvy line, as if contemplating hard. 

“You know better, I bet. That’s why you purposely broke Junhoe’s guitar string.” Yunhyeong commented in amusement, hands on his waist, wondering how to untangle this obviously, delicate matter.

“ _Aniyo_.” Chanwoo glanced up at Yunhyeong, eyes narrowed, pouting and looking hurt. “That was truly accidental. Why would I purposely break Junhoe’s guitar string? You’re not making any sense.” He hiccuped.

“ _Kaja_ , time to bring you upstairs to sleep.” Donghyuk cajoled softly, touching Chanwoo’s elbow with affection.”You’re drunk already.” Chanwoo turned to Donghyuk, looking even more slighted than he had with Yunhyeong.

“How can you say I’m drunk?!” He argued, “I’m perfectly fine.” Chanwoo insisted, sipping on some more beer from his can which Donghyuk now intercepted quickly, taking it from Chanwoo’s hand and placing it aside on the table.

“You’re not addressing the older members properly, so that means it’s time to go to sleep.” Donghyuk whispered, running a reassuring hand behind that wide back. Chanwoo blinked at Donghyuk, opened his mouth to protest and then thought better of it, then bade both Jinhwan and Yunhyeong goodnight. They watched silently as Donghyuk led Chanwoo up.

“Ah~I can’t believe the downstairs floor get their own tree.” Chanwoo was commenting as they walked passed the medium-sized plastic fir tree that had been dusted with fake snow and decorated with spools of tinsel and miniature fake mistletoe wreaths.

“We are alternating remember? This year it’s downstairs, next year it will be upstairs.” Donghyuk reminded him, once again his voice absolutely assuring and comforting. Chanwoo glanced at Donghyuk with what was akin to affection in his big, dark eyes.

“Ah~your voice is so soothing Donghyuk-ah. It must be so nice to sing with that voice.” Chanwoo went on, totally forgetting what had angered him in the first place. Both Jinhwan and Yunhyeong laughed softly, shaking their heads at Chanwoo, before turning solemn again as their gazes found Junhoe’s bedroom door.

“It doesn't seem to get any easier. Do you think we should intervene?” Jinhwan finally said what Yunhyeong had firmly felt, since they found out Jiwon had started sleeping with Junhoe more than ten months ago.

"I don't know. These are matters of the heart. It feels like we should not interfere." Yunhyeong confided. 

"Let these punks figure it out for themselves, then." Jinhwan sighed, getting up and helping Yunhyeong to finish clearing the table. 

Of course, things had began way longer than that, probably a year after they debuted.

Everyone knew about Hanbin and Jiwon, of course. Even when he was barely of age and began to chase after the same dreams as the team, Junhoe was aware of the closeness between the pioneer members. At one point, he was even envious of it. Their chemistry in music, in life and almost everything else, in general. 

Junhoe had witnessed that same chemistry unfold before him as the years progressed; via concerts, multiple stages and even their time at the studio. It could be a hand graze, or a pat on the back that gradually became an embrace, the matching grins on their faces or the way they simply looked at each other. Hanbin and Jiwon had a connection that was not meant to be broken in Junhoe’s eyes. Right around the time Junhoe began to be aware of his own growing feelings towards Jiwon, he realised that he had somehow become absolutely awkward with the rapper, who had once taught the rest of the members how to display swag effortlessly.

“It’s something you have. It’s not something you can train anyone for. You either front or fail.” Those had been Jiwon’s very words before they officially began training even harder for their debut. Of course, none of this training would have mattered if Hanbin had not informed everyone that they had to listen to Jiwon. Junhoe, ever the diligent, loyal student had listened and he did well enough to build his own confidence.

What he had not expected was seeing Jiwon for the first time with his adult eyes. The way his eyes seem to disappear into crescents when he smiled, his bunny teeth, his playful demeanour had suddenly become Junhoe’s whole world. He clung onto every bark of laughter, the natural way he interacted with the world with his almost irreverent and unique personality. Junhoe had to crush any thoughts about love, horrified that he would find his own leader’s lover attractive. He kept himself focused on his dreams, their dreams and decided it was better not to let his heart complicate matters even more.

“Okay, what is it with you and Jiwon?” Yunhyeong had confronted him, after the furore of New Kids Begin had finally died down, just before they began their tours, relegated to a terminal activity. Yunhyeong loomed over him behind his chair, arms folded imperiously. Their hair dyes were beginning to fade and would probably have to be redone before they fly off.

“ _Ige, beoya_?” Junhoe turned around, petulant, because Hanbin had decided that rather than having Junhoe bother him about what to do constantly, he would give Junhoe the task of writing his thoughts and turning them into poems. Him? Of all people, write his thoughts and make something of it. How could Hanbin possibly have that kind of faith in him? Koo Junhoe of Mapo-gu who likes his hotbars and _ramyun_ more than exercising, a poet?

“You and Jiwon? Why are you guys so awkward all of a sudden?” Yunhyeong repeated. “Did anything happen?” Junhoe averted his gaze, realising that he was not ready to have this conversation with anyone. But Yunhyeong had gripped the back of his chair, preventing him from turning back to the desk.

How was he supposed to explain the vivid dream that he had, which had made everything else complicated in this already crazy life? Suddenly every gaze he fixed upon Jiwon brought him back to that night when he had woken up in a cold sweat. It was ridiculous! Who would understand him? It simply sounded crazy. He had padded out to get a drink of water, trying to calm his nerves and found Jiwon in the kitchen, just like in his dreams, dressed in his boxers and Junhoe thought it was a good time to traipsed back into his room. Why was Jiwon relegated in the downstairs dorm? Hanbin could have kept him at beck and call at the upstairs dorm anyway, he piqued to himself.

“Did you want a drink, Junhoe?” Jiwon had quipped. Junhoe turned, wondering if Jiwon had directed the question at him. _Of course, he’s talking to you, you dimwit, who else is named Junhoe in this dorm?_ Conversations with himself. Who would have thought that almost five years later he would be having them again, these discourse about how attractive Kim Jiwon is and he should never look, nor acknowledged?

“Ah, _ani_. I’m just going back to…” He began and then stopped, almost about to turn and face the man, when he realised that Jiwon had walked out the kitchen and was standing right before him, holding out a cup of water.

“Here, drink.” Jiwon stated. It actually sounded more like a demand and Jiwon rarely spoke to him in such a an easygoing manner. If anything Jiwon was just as equally panicky and oft-times bizarre whenever Junhoe happened to be around him. It was…unsettling, to say the least. “Hanbin told me, we need to get over this awkwardness or whatever the team wants to call it.” He intoned. He was trying to keep it casual. Anyone who did not know Jiwon that well would not have known that and thought he was being cool and confident. But Junhoe had been around him long enough to recognise when Jiwon got nervous. It was easy peasy, because when Jiwon was nervous, Bobby appears. Except, Junhoe was nervous too and it had everything to do with that dream he had and the fact that Jiwon was wearing nothing more than those boxers which suddenly look too tight in Junhoe’s lingering eyes.

“What…what awkwardness, we are close.” Junhoe tittered after taking a sip, realising there was no way he could run. He could not answer Yunhyeong when the older man had asked either, prying Yunhyeong’s fingers off the back of the chair and he sure as hell nothing to say to Jiwon about this. Yunhyeong had given up asking, of course. Everyone knew that Junhoe was a brick wall when it came to matters he refused to discuss. _So, how was he supposed to talk to Jiwon?_

“Are you okay, Junhoe?” Jiwon sounded concerned now and Junhoe remember pleading inwardly that Jiwon not touch him, because it would probably make him combust spontaneously and disappear. Touch him Jiwon did, fingers finding Junhoe’s shoulder and Junhoe being Junhoe, had twisted away from that touch instinctively. Jiwon’s hand fell away almost immediately and he muttered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to touch you.” And Jiwon’s voice sounded absolutely fallen that had Junhoe been any lucid at that moment, he would have known Jiwon was slightly hurt by his reaction.

“No, I…I’m just not feeling well, I guess.” Junhoe quickly said. And that was that.

_Except, it was not._

Except, that almost five years later, a year after Hanbin was exited forcefully from their team, things had remained the same with one undeniable truth; they still could not face whatever it was that lived, breathed and started growing between them. It was an iceberg; what could be perceived as a small frozen island on the surface, had hidden a gargantuan icy rock face underneath its it and it was flailing under its own weight, starting to tip over and turn, ready to reveal itself in all its naked glory. It was working on that song together that had given them some respite from its inevitable exposure. To be that close to each other and not being able to touch, drove them over the edge and forced them to confront it.

Jiwon suddenly pinning Junhoe against the flimsy studio wall, his fingers grappling with Junhoe’s pants, his breath harsh against that graceful neck as his lips plundered the veined landscape beneath Junhoe’s jawline. He could feel Junhoe’s heart hammering beneath his lips as he trailed kisses downwards, the quiver of the younger man’s body as sonorous moans rumbled deep from his chest, escaping from his pursed lips as if being touched by Jiwon was bringing him an adequate amount of both pleasure and pain. Jiwon wanted to taste those moans. He wanted his lips to savour them as they flitted out from those pouted lips so badly, he straightened his body and prepared to drown in its ecstasy, but Junhoe’s hands; surprisingly strong stopped him, fingers splayed across Jiwon’s chest steadily.

“ _Hyung_ , no. No lips, please…we can’t. This is…wrong.” Junhoe whispered over and over, even though the tremors and the grinding his body was succumbing to, told Jiwon everything was as it should be; a right that had never been wrong in the first place.

“I can’t kiss you?” Jiwon asked, his gaze intent on carving that characteristic profile into the banks of his memory; of Junhoe, head turned and slightly arched, eyes shut tight, nose upturned and those lips pursed so tightly as if he was in agony. He looked absolutely beautiful and Jiwon realised how stupid he had been for not seeing how much he had loved Junhoe all these years. Even when he and Hanbin had decided they would remain friends with benefit, two years ago. His denial for his feelings towards Junhoe was his fault. Never Junhoe because the boy was clueless in matters of the heart. 

“ _Hyung_ , you can have me. My body, but not my lips. I can never belong to you.” Junhoe whispered urgently. _Just as you can never belong to me_. Jiwon wondered why not? Did his heart belong to someone else then? He had thought, not without a hint of jealousy. 

Together, they became addicted to each other.

Once the floodgates were opened, both he and Junhoe were swept into its unforgiving wake. It was like being thrown into a wave with a never ending ebb and a current for which they had no control over. Their eyes would meet in a momentary glance and then there was a mad, hushed scramble to meet in secret; anywhere, everywhere as long as they were alone and out of prying eyes. Whether it was Junhoe’s room, or Jiwon’s, or sometimes if they were desperate enough even in the bathroom. The moment Jiwon’s fingers found Junhoe’s skin, it set their worlds ablaze and they burned in its flames in complete surrender.

During one of these passionate nights, with Junhoe bend over beneath him and he encircled his arms around that sturdy body into a tight, possessive grip, his teeth had clamped compulsively over Junhoe’s shoulder, leaving marks. Jiwon had heard Junhoe crying out in pain and the guilt he had felt had consumed him days after. Jiwon had kept asking if Junhoe was alright so many times in the dorm, that everyone was wondering what had happened between them.

“You are making it obvious.” Junhoe had pleaded urgently when they had their rendezvous, days later in Junhoe’s room.

“I don’t give a fuck.” Jiwon muttered, he was only intent on peeling the sweater off Junhoe hurriedly to inspect the bite mark, satisfied that it was no longer as red and, as a matter of fact, was starting to fade. Jiwon pursed his lips over it and gave it a little lick, causing Junhoe to groan softly. “Did you miss me? My hands and my lips on you?” Jiwon asked between gritted teeth, eyes fixated on that alluring face; Junhoe’s eyes veiled with desire, nostrils flared, almost as if he was offended by Jiwon’s meagre touch and those lips so perfectly shaped and pouted for a kiss which he could not lay claim upon, left breathless in ecstasy. It gave Jiwon unbearable pleasure that he, Kim Jiwon, had pushed Junhoe into such a state.

“Yes, yes…I do.” Junhoe groaned as Jiwon’s kisses travelled down his rock hard body, his breath hot and real against his skin as if gifting life to every pore and making him feel alive after so long.

Just seeing Junhoe sometimes sprawled on the sofa watching TV could trigger Jiwon and he would text him like a junkie, requiring immediate sustenance, gripped in the fever of longing and desire. It pleased Jiwon that Junhoe thought the same; always eager, always ready to succumb to Jiwon’s will, their bodies grinding, matching each other thrust for thrust, until they were reduced to nothing more than a ball of moans, flesh, curses and sweat. Jiwon realised that he wanted nothing more than to hear Junhoe chanting his name again and again in that husky voice of his as they both came together.

As silence settled in the dorm, both Jinhwan and Yunhyeong decided that it was better to leave things as they were. Without a leader they felt truly aimless, but they had each other and that was what mattered, for now.

The Christmas tree downstairs had a timer set to it, so that the lights would come on at the stroke of midnight. Junhoe came out of his room just as the lights came on and his eyes found the star glowing brightly at the top of the tree. He smiled, remembering a time when he wanted to grow up faster so he could be an adult, but now that he was one, it was not at all as idyllic as he thought it would be. Adults only gave the impression that they could do what they want but the reality was, most adults did not really get what their hearts desired. If they did, they were slapped with judgement and labels. It was definitely not what it was cracked up to be. Junhoe walked up to the tree, admiring the lights and feeling like a child once more, closed his eyes, making a wish.

He opened his eyes and the smile froze on his lips, at the sight of Jiwon staring at him from the doorway of his room.

“ _Hyung_ , I thought everyone was asleep.” Junhoe found his voice, startled by the sight of Jiwon standing there in the semi-darkness.

“Don’t move. Stay where you are.” Jiwon quickly said. Junhoe remained where he was, his gaze fixed on Jiwon in amusement, wondering why Jiwon wanted him to stay put. “You look beautiful under the Christmas lights. Like an angel.” He added as he walked out. “Were you coming out to eat?” Jiwon mumbled knowingly.

“ _Ne_. But it’s late isn’t it? I should not be eating so late at night.” Junhoe laughed nervously, eyes still fixed on Jiwon. “I will put on weight.” He added in a chuckle. Jiwon walked closer until he could put his arm around Junhoe’s waist, a hand cupping the swell of one butt cheek slowly.

“I love you with a little bit of meat.” Jiwon’s voice was low when he whispered against Junhoe’s ear in the semi-darkness, lighted only by the warm orange twinkle of the tree’s lights. Junhoe could feel his cheeks turned red at this declaration.

“ _Hyung_ …someone might come out and see us.” Junhoe breathed huskily, leaning his body slightly against Jiwon and turning his head just a little, enough to allow Jiwon access to his neck.

“I don’t really care, Junhoe-ya.” Jiwon mumbled, leaving a trail of kisses, moist and warm against Junhoe’s jawline, moving slowly until he was standing in front of Junhoe, “I just want to kiss those beautiful lips. I want to make them mine.” Junhoe felt a thrill down his spine at those words. His heart bloomed as Jiwon stood before him, cupping his jaw as if he was holding something absolutely precious between his palms. Jiwon kissed him, gently, lips finding Junhoe’s and just…savouring. Jiwon moaned as he took over with gradual intensity, until their breaths were collectively consumed and shared.

“ _Hyung_ , we should…” Junhoe began and Jiwon placed a finger on those lips, already swollen from the deep kiss Jiwon had just plied upon him.

“No, don’t ask me to stop.” Jiwon declared firmly, his eyes burning with the kind of determination Junhoe had only seen when he was getting ready to go on stage or when he was about to perform. “I want to tell you that I love you. It’s always been you. I know, maybe you have someone else in your heart, but remember that you’ll always have me.” Junhoe’s eyes widened at this brazen confession.

“ _Hyung_ …I just wanted to suggest going to my room.” Junhoe’s smile seem radiant, as if he had achieved some sort of clarity. It was Jiwon’s turn to blush. He began stammering as he normally would when he was at a loss for words, so Junhoe continued, “Should we go in, now?” Junhoe whispered, taking Jiwon’s hand and leading the older man towards his room.

“I should not have been too quick with my words. Now, you have the advantage. You know my weakness.” Jiwon stated as if in resentment that he had revealed what had been in his heart all this time, as he trudged behind Junhoe. Junhoe stopped at the door to his room quite suddenly, turning around and gazing at Jiwon thoughtfully. It was the first time in many years that he was really looking; taking in that childish face, the gleam in those eyes, the way the honey blond curls just sat atop his head in an unkempt mess and wondered why he had not seen Jiwon’s love for him in the beginning when it was obvious.

“Let me even the odds for you, then. There is someone in my heart…” Junhoe exhaled, keeping his gaze steady upon Jiwon’s countenance, “…and that person is you. It was always you from the start.” Junhoe chuckled at the puzzlement reflected on Jiwon’s face at this sudden declaration. “Yes. I love you. Now, don’t make me say it again.” He quickly added, turning back, pulling Jiwon wordlessly into his room. 

“You know I can make you say it again.” Jiwon muttered, lips curling confidently as he walked into Junhoe’s room, chortling with sheer happiness.

“ _Hyung_ …believe me when I say, I’d like to see you try.” Junhoe challenged and closed the door, the lights from the Christmas tree blinked on and off in the peaceful stillness of the dorm.

**END**


End file.
